her vagine was all disorganized.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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