So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
