paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
