Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
