you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
