the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
