she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
