I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
