i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She even gives head with a lisp.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
