One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
