anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
