i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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