We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
