Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
