he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
