I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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