My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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