I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
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In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
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For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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