I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
