Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
