He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
