i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
