You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
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He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
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I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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