It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
