Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
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