I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
