Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
