I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
