never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
