Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I need a beard to bite.
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