You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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