he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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