Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
