My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize