I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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