Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
