I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We're too hungover to prance.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
