Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
