I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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