Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
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