she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
