I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
