dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I want a musical about memes.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
