When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
