what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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