You made me cry and you don't even care
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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