I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
