I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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