Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
