I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
