It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
