its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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