trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
