just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Do vagina's smell?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
