I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
