I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
