My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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