I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
how does that bad decision feel?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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