Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
