he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
