If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
