Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Randomize
