Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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