Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
