I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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