is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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