Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
