last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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