The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
