does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
