man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
