Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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