she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
