I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
