Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
