The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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