how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He better not be in your backpack
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
