The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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