your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
