No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
