I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
