I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
